How I quit smoking

    Well, I really didn’t quit, but I have not had a cigarette in over two months. I didn’t have any withdraw issues either. Bet you want me to explain that one don’t you. I found a way to eliminate the guilt for me. That was the biggest obstacle for me, the guilt factor. I’ve quit many times before, and always started smoking again. I once made it eleven months, but yes started again. I’d go along, not smoking for awhile, doing OK. Then I’d break down and have a smoke. That was all it took, I would start smoking all over again.

   With all the sin taxes and the other increases in the price of cigarettes, I just couldn’t justify the increased money I was spending on them. It was the first time that I can remember that I had to choose between cigarettes and necessary items for living. Like food, drink, clothing. That was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. What was I doing, choosing between food and cigarettes. I’m not talking extra food. I’m talking not eating for a day or two to have cigarettes.

    Like I said above, it was the guilt that was my biggest obstacle. I had to overcome the guilt if I was going to succeed. Then, it came to me. Why, do I have to quite. Why not treat cigarettes like a luxury item. I mean would you eat twenty to forty pieces of cheesecake a day. Every day. Or, would you drink twenty to forty Starbucks espresso drinks each and every day. I mean, do you feel guilty enough when you have a rich desert to start only eating desert for all your meals. No, that would be stupid.

    So, why do smokers treat smoking differently. Maybe, it’s an addiction. Maybe, not. There maybe a physical/mental addiction factor there. But, come on, it is still a choice. Every smoker has their own personal reason that they smoke so much. I’m not going to go there. I’m going to keep this about how I changed my life.

    I simply made a contract with myself.

• I couldn’t buy more then a single cigarette at a time.
• I couldn’t have more then a single cigarette in my possession at a time.
• I could ask/bum a cigarette from another smoker.

    Believe it are not, this simple contract eliminated the guilt factor for me. Immediately I was only having one cigarette a day. Within a week I was down to one cigarette in four days. Then I was not smoking. It was so simple it was to easy. I can’t believe it is working.

    The fact that I can have a cigarette when ever I want is what is helping me. The thing is, I’m not having a cigarette. I don’t and didn’t from the beginning have any withdrawal issues. I’m not a new smoker. I started when I was eleven years old. I’m turning 39 this year. Yep 28 years of smoking. Two packs a day. For about five years I was smoking non-filters. Toasty! LOL.

    Well, that’s how I did it. Hope it helps.

Shut-Up and Do It

    I’ve got to get a personal car! I want to see my kids more and that is the only way to do it. The ex will only bring em to me on Sundays. Not, enough time with the kids for me. I could spend more one on one time with the kids if I was with them more often. As, it is now they each, in their own way, compete for my undivided attention. That’s kinda difficult when I have all six of them. When I’m not giving each enough time with me they try to make me feel guilty. Now, they don’t do it on purpose, but they still do it. A rock and a hard place, I am in.

    Now, with regards to my last post, it is more important to put myself on a strict budget. I can get a little loan on my 401k, but not enough to get a vehicle. Enough for a down-payment. I’ll do that if I can save an equal amount. Not that it is financially necessary. It is mentally necessary. To show myself that I will not get myself in over my head. That should only take me a week or three.

    With my own van I should be able to have more time with my kids. More one on one time. Yes, that sounds great on paper. OK, OK, on the screen. But, we will see what happens when it happens.

    If I can stay on a budget will be the test of my resolve. If I can control my impulse buying. I’m getting a little better. I’ve still done some impulse spending but not as much. Also, I’ve returned, an gotten my money back, on the thing I’ve bought last week. Hey, it’s a step in the right direction. Just need to stop the impulse buying.

    Another thing I need to do is to say no to my kids more often. I don’t need to buy so much of the extravagant deserts on Sundays. They would be happy with some simple ice-cream. When it get warm enough to bar-b-q outside, that will change things a lot. No, more restaurant food. The only time it taste good is at the expensive places. Besides, I’d rather be outside with me kids anyway.

    I just need to shut-up and do it!

Throwing My Money Away

I don’t know how but I keep running out of money. How can that be I only have child-support and a cell bill to pay? I have no vices that cost money. No booze, no drugs, no women, no gambling, and for all intent, I stopped smoking two months ago. The smoking thing will have to be it’s own post. To long to insert into another topics post. My point is where is my money going?

I’ve got to get my spending under control. I get paid well enough that I shouldn’t be living paycheck to paycheck. I’m not rich by any means, but I’m just not poor either. I don’t have any savings. That worries me a lot. What would I do if I lost my job. It’s not the economy, it’s my lack of fiscal discipline. Heck, I have no discipline in anything let alone financial.

I feel like I’m still homeless living in this truck. My lifestyle is not much different. It is worse now on this dedicated, but even when I was OTR, I felt like I wasn’t doing anything. Driving trucks isn’t work. I know it helps I really like driving, but come on. The hardest thing I do is hook and unhook the trailer. Wow, that’s some hard work I’m doing. Yes, traffic and other drivers can be stressful. It, only gets bad when you don’t let go of it, and dwell on it.

OK, the only real skill involved in my job is backing. Everything else is gravy. The hardest thing about back, is trying not to look stupid in front of other drivers. That was a problem at first. For the most part now, I don’t care. If someone has a prob with how I back, get in my truck and back it yourself.

I’m starting to go crazy with this dedicated I’m on. Most days I am on duty about three hours. THREE HOURS! Notice I didn’t say work, cause I don’t work. Here’s my day. Hookup to trailer. Bump a dock. Drive 2.1 miles. Bump another dock. Drive 2.1 miles. Unhook trailer. That ‘work’ takes me a whole three hours. Sometimes I get sent into Chicago to do some local work. I don’t mind that. Since I get paid buy the hour, I love it.

Not knowing when I’ll run into Chicago is a problem. I can’t get a second job. Not, that I really want a second job. I just want some thing to keep me busy. If I had a personal car I’d do more with my kids. Alas, it is time for my rant to end.

tim mcinturff

An Evening With My 2 Older Daughters

    You should see the looks you get when you pull up and park in-front of a high school with a semi. I still love getting the ‘WOW’ look. I took my oldest daughter to the library for an anime club. The ex didn’t want to bring my second oldest daughter so she dropped her off so I could. She has so much to do, I can understand, sigh. Anyway, I love the kids looking at the truck. Makes me wonder what their thinking. Hm? That wouldn’t be much, with these skulls for of mush.  

     Well, any way I took em the our local library. My oldest went to her anime club and my middle daughter, AKA 4of6, went in hunt for something to read. What is with this explosion of interest in Manga? A comic read backwards. Excuse me, graphic novel. LOL. Now I bring all of my kids to the library on Sundays, but 4of6 still found 9 books to check out. I was like, ‘what are you not going to eat or sleep until Sunday’. She swears she will read em all before Sunday. We’ll see.

    So, we get down a the library, and I had a surprise for em. There is this local shop that has all the stuff to make a still living with mom-n-dad, weighing twice their normal body weight, couch potato, middle aged loser, happy. “In a non X-rated way, you loser!” Tomorrow is Yesterday, has Dungeons & Dragons, trading card games, and the like. My oldest daughter, AKA 1of6, thinks she is interested in DnD.

      I was into DnD when I was a teenager. It was fun, but I remember it was an all guy thing. That’s throwing up red flags for me. OK, am I going to have to bludgeon some hormone hyped teenybobber? This is making go crazy. I hope this is a faze. On the other hand… OMG, have you seen the amount of books there is for DnD now. I could spend $1000.00 just on books, and I don’t think that would get all of them. Oh, I want to play again. Thanks 1of6! My only question is, does that make me a middle age loser?

ttfn tim mcinturff

Dancing With Cars!?

        Had some fun on the way to UPS at the airport this morning. There were a few 4-wheelers in front of me on the highway. Rolling about 40 mph, stacked close together. Like good 4-wheelers do. Had the winter road condition trifecta. Icy slush, rapid drop in air temp, and below freezing road temp. Well, the front 4w hit the brakes and started 2 spin. The next 3 4w thought that would to much fun and hit their brakes and started a 4-way ballet of bumper cars. I let off the accelerator and went straight to skis. Oh, I love 4-wheelers! What fun it is to watch 4-wheelers bump, bash, n crash all morning. Now to thread the needle n not hit these idiots. Oh great, their covering the whole highway! But, at least their moving. LOTI. The guy in the blue car, on my left front, who is now facing me with bigger then life eyes, is frantically waving at me to stop! “Hey, idiot #3, you hit your brakes and I’m on skies! what you want me to do?” The trucker god was watching out for me this morning. Cause as I skied at the two remaining 4-wheelers on the highway. My mirrors swept over them and my fenders missed em by an inch or less. At the speeds we were traveling I wouldn’t have hurt em, but I would have done some good damage to their cars. 4-wheelers are idiots.